Making Your Relationship Soar
Amazingly Simple Ways To Make
Your Relationship SOAR!
As a professional and a relationship coach, I’ve seen similar core themes and dynamics of communication conflict within couples. These are broad descriptions that improve the communication and the emotional tone of your relationships. The workshop course using much of the free .pdf’s offered on my site can accomplish great healing change in relationships.
It works… if you work it.
Most of these skills can be found in the free downloadable .pdf’s found elsewhere in my website and blog.
|1||Listening without interrupting, postpone defending myself and to reflect what I’ve heard. Take turns speaking and listening. Respect the rules of the Listening Exchange.|
|2||Diminish or cease blaming, criticizing and withdrawal behaviors. Use the Respect Agreement.|
|3||Learn to express vulnerable thoughts and feelings that are underneath harsh and critical ones. To speak in ‘I think’ or ‘I feel’ messages.|
|4||Being responsible for what I say or do and to acknowledge how that affects my partner. If I’ve been hurtful, then I make amends and try to be mindful of my mistake.|
|5||Asking directly for understanding of my experience and to make specific requests for changes.|
|6||Make a mutually binding agreement on HOW to leave the room for less than an hour, when arguing escalates with too much emotional intensity. And, have a method for how both partners reconnect by taking some responsibility for the problem and showing some empathy for the other partner’s experience.|
|7||Agreeing on a method of how to deal with moments when either partner feels hurt, dismissed, or disrespected.|
|8||Having a specific plan on what I will do if I cannot reasonably keep my agreements.|
While it’s good to say what the goals are, it’s even better when a couple makes the exact same agreement with each other. When it comes to how to express and respond to anger, it’s helpful if both partners are working from the same script to find an ending to a conflict.
There’s nothing wrong with people being angry or frustrated. Being upset is a part of the emotional communication between intimate partners. People act aggressively or withdraw because they don’t know what else to do. There’s a line somewhere however, when that anger becomes hostile shaming, negativity, or avoidance, and withdrawal. When a couple learns where that line is, and what can be done about it, then it’s possible to decide to change.
- What if there is addiction, abuse, or violence?
- What if one partner doesn’t want to change?
- What if there is mental illness or lying?
- What if one partner never thinks he or she ever does anything wrong?
The Power And Compassion course provides a structure to move through problems like these. There is an agreement or skill directly related to each of the eight points made above. You can use the skills and agreements to express your concerns about any of the above questions to move the relationship along so you will have a better idea about what you want to do. Learn respectful ways to say, and to hear, and to dialogue about difficult emotions. Model for your partner how you would like your partner to respond and express painful thoughts and feelings.
When you know better, do better!
Download the full 6 page PDF of the ‘8 Ways To Make Your Relationship To Thrive’ here.